Have you seen this episode? You’re on set, stressed. Over budget and overdue. A crew member, maybe your first A.D., is new to their role in this position and makes a mistake that costs you and the team more time… and more money. And you, as the director, blow a fuse. In front of the crew, you get upset and angry, lose your temper, and raise your voice at a key member of the team. What do you do now?
You’re still fuming, still angry with the situation, and now you’re angry at yourself because you know what you did is wrong. And you know that you will have to do something about it, because you know your heart of hearts that we are commanded to “live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)
Everybody on your crew, from P.A.’s and interns on up, deserves to be treated with respect. However, sometimes we’re quick to forget this. So often, we can take our cues from our predecessors. And if those producers, directors, or team leads that we worked for in the past didn’t treat their crews well, consciously or not, we can easily fall back to what we know and what we’ve experienced. And that simply perpetuates the cycle. But we should know better.
Do people make mistakes on set? Of course, they do. However, there are appropriate ways to respond to these mistakes and problems. Losing our temper is not one of them. If it does happen though, here’s a series of steps to take to begin to resolve the situation:
1. Cool down. If you’ve blown a fuse, and chances are, we ALL have, take some time to gather your thoughts. This may take a few minutes; it may take a few hours. However, the quicker you can resolve and address the issue, the less likely the problem has a chance to grow and fester. If you’ve lost your cool in front of the crew, morale can become an issue and the atmosphere can become more and more tense. Then productivity starts to become a problem. Once you can address the problem, you’re one your way to clearing the air. And here’s how to do that.
2. Ask for their forgiveness. Honestly, I don’t like to just say to someone, “I’m sorry.” Simply put, it’s too easy for me. Saying I’m sorry, is just that, a statement. Forgiveness is different. Forgiveness is not just a feeling. It requires an act of the will of the person we’ve offended. When I ask for someone to forgive me, I’m asking for something from them. They will need to carry out a choice and an action. Forgiveness is not forgetting, however. I’m not asking them to forget what happened. And forgiveness is not excusing. By asking for their forgiveness, I am taking responsibility for what I did wrong. I need to own it. I don’t ever follow up with, “But you” or “But the situation…” Nope. The moment the word “but” is uttered, an excuse is being made, and the offense is not being owned. Stay humble. Own it.
3. Do it in public (if necessary). If the offense, in this case losing my temper, was done in public, I need to ask for forgiveness in public as well. I’ve done this by gathering the crew together at the start of the filming day, and said, “Yesterday, I lost my temper at Susie. I raised my voice, and that was wrong. Many of you witnessed it. So Susie, I want to ask for your forgiveness.” And that will mean something to the offended party. It will also mean something to the crew: that they are respected and valued.
I can just about guarantee you that few people have ever seen anything like this play out. They’ve heard “I’m sorry” a few times, but nothing as personal and humble as this. And I can just about guarantee you that they won’t ever forget it.